Of course, we’ve all participated in gossip – either giving or receiving it.  There’s no denying that there’s something very intriguing about hearing the latest story about someone.  We all know it’s wrong, but I wonder if sometimes we rationalize our participation:

• “I only told so & so in order to have more people praying about the situation.”
• “You know if it’s really true then we need to protect ourselves against that person.”
• “I didn’t want to tell, but they kept asking so I felt I needed to…after all, they’re not going to tell anyone else.”
• “Well I didn’t know they were going to tell me that stuff, and once they started telling me I couldn’t just tell them to stop.”

But here’s what God says about gossip (all from the New Living Translation):

• Gossip causes anger – “a gossiping tongue causes anger” (Proverbs 25:23)
• Gossip is rated up there with “…greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception & malicious behaviour…” (Romans 1:29)
• Gossip ruins your reputation (& the one you are gossiping about) “Others may accuse you of gossip, and you will never regain your reputation.” (Proverbs 25:10)
• Gossip hinders your ability to worship. “Who may enter your sanctuary, Lord?…Those who refuse to gossip…” (see all of Psalm 15).

What is the result of gossip?  As far as I can tell, only one thing – hurt.  In some form or another, gossip hurts.

It hurts the one who is gossiped about – indeed, it can be devastating to a reputation, to a career, to a friendship, to a person’s other relationships, to their own personal & emotional outlook – gossip can be far more hurtful than we really think it is when we are participating.

It also hurts the one who participates in it – something I think we often forget when that is us.  It also hurts our reputation (don’t you know who the local gossips are in your church or workplace? And you probably don’t think too positively of them, unless you are a gossip, too).  It can limit our relationship with God, cause us to be used in spreading lies, and put us in a position of great embarrassment when we discover we were misinformed or uninformed.

Gossip is hurtful on so many levels – there is nothing good about it.  Perhaps God knew what He was doing when he included it in lists of sins that we all consider heinous.

One final thought.  If you are in a position of leadership – at church or in the workplace – participating in gossip can be that much more devastating.  In fact, if you are in some way connected to a person in leadership, it can also be that much more devastating.  You carry influence by default.  People want to believe you.  People trust you.  And when you talk and people listen, they are more likely to pass it on.

Don’t.  Don’t risk talking about something you know nothing about.  Don’t risk hurting yourself and others with your sin.  Don’t drag others through your mud by gossiping to them.

Just don’t.  Please!

Dan is the “executive pastor’s of executive pastor’s”. He served as Executive Pastor at Skyline Church under the leadership of John Maxwell when I was there as Children’s Pastor – in fact, he hired me into my first Children’s Pastor position! He was my “boss”, but more importantly is a mentor and good friend. He now serves as Executive Pastor at 12 Stone Church near Atlanta (now my Children’s Pastor friend Eric Echols has the privilege of serving under Dan’s leadership) and continues to mentor pastors around the country. He’s even working with Tony Morgan on a new project called Ministry Strategies. I would encourage you to sign up for Dan’s newsletter, The Pastor’s Coach, and subscribe to his new blog called LeadSharp. You can also follow Dan on Twitter.

Dan invited me to write an article for the newsletter, and I’ve put it on our FREE Resources page (article #6, as a PDF file) on the Kidmin360 website. It’s called Make A Difference In The Next Generation. I hope it is an encouragement, along with the other articles.

We’ve got to make sure we throw in a way that the person(s) we are throwing to can catch it.

But how do you do that?  Here’s a few pointers that might apply to any given situation:

1. Understand the game plan. In football, the wide receiver runs a certain pattern before receiving the ball.  It’s part of the game plan.  The quarterback has to understand where that player is on the field and throw it to that spot.  In the same way, it’s important that as leaders or parents, we understand where our team or kids are at.  That goes back to relationship.  Making an investment in real & authentic relationships as part of our game plan helps us understand where our people are at, or where they are headed.
2. Throw appropriately. In baseball, where & how the ball is thrown is dependent on the situation.  The outfielder can throw it to different bases depending on where the runners are going.  The 2nd baseman makes a hard throw home or a soft clip to the shortstop depending on the situation.  In the same way, we’ve got to present our ideas, directives or vision in an appropriate way to the one receiving it.  Is it time for firmness or gentle persuasion?  Inviting ideas or communicating an already chosen path?  Punishment or discipline?
3. Trust that the catch will be made. Once we’ve done our part, we have to trust that what we’ve thrown will be caught.  When a quarterback releases the ball, there’s nothing more that he can do to control the situation.  If the ball is not caught, he must go back and draw up a new play for moving the ball down the field.  It’s not quite that cut & dry in leadership or parenting, but it’s similar in the sense that we must “let go” of what we are throwing and have high “expectations” of the one receiving.  If they don’t get what we’re throwing there way, we go back and try again.

And that leads me to the second part of this post… Catching well.

Most of us find ourselves on the receiving end of directives & vision (if you’re reading this, I’m kind of assuming your not at home “receiving” from your parents, so I won’t address that part!).  It’s important to know how to “catch” well, also. Here’s a few pointers for when you’re on the receiving end:

1. Don’t expect perfection. Quarterbacks make bad throws sometimes.  Occasionally they don’t time them very well.  And once in awhile they throw it to the other team.  Our leaders are no more perfect than we are.  We shouldn’t expect them to be.
2. Adjust to the throw. Most of the time the ball is not in the perfect location.  A receiver has to slow down, speed up, reach low or jump high.  What he can’t do is not make an effort.  He must adjust as well as possible and make every attempt to make the catch.  In our lives, we must do the same.  Seek clarification.  Try and understand the reasoning behind the throw.  Don’t undermine if you don’t understand or disagree.  Encourage those around you to participate in the play.
3. Work hard after you make the catch. A baseball player catches the ball and makes the tag or throws the ball to another player.  Once we understand the directive, embrace the vision or grasp the idea, it’s time to do something with it.  Be proactive in our response.  Work hard.  And if you don’t know what the next step it, ask.

Playing catch with my boys is a lot of fun.  It’s a lot more fun now that they understand the process a little big better. The same is true of my interactions with those I work and live with.  Throwing and catching well can make all the difference in moving the ball down the field.

I got an email today from one of them and it reminded me of a key principle I learned many years ago which I wanted to share.  I call it the “this week” principle.  As a leader, whenever you teach anything, in any setting – a brief conversation, over a cup of coffee, or in a more formal teaching setting – make sure what you are teaching can be applied “this week” by the one(s) learning.

Here’s the email I receive today that was very affirming that I followed my own rules:

Greg,

I attended your workshop on being an effective Children’s Pastor at the CMTA convention.  Your presentation was very helpful, useful and practical.  I spoke to you about my current strategy for recruitment and you gave me some great advice (I’m the one from Valencia where your sister lives).

I actually had my orientation meeting scheduled the next day at church and I was able to apply what you suggested.  I concentrated on making a personal connection with the parents and focusing on the vision and mission of our children’s ministry and what that means for their children.  It was very effective and I feel like the parents walked away feeling like they were going to partner with the vision and not just be another volunteer.  So thank you.

If you have any further suggestions, information or resources that you could send me about being an effective children’s pastor, please send them my way.  Your ministry is appreciated!

When you follow the “this week” principle, it immediately makes your teaching relevant to those you are teaching, establishes your influence & leadership with them, and helps your own learning process by forcing you to think through and ensure that what you are saying is meaningful.